10 Reasons Dinosaurs Make Good Pets

10 Reasons Dinosaurs Make Good Pets Tired of the same old, same old dogs, cats and parakeets being offered for adoption by your local animal shelter? Well, dinosaurs also make wonderful pets, provided you treat them right and know what youre getting into. Here are the top 10 reasons in favor of keeping a pet dinosaur. (Not convinced? See 10 Reasons Dinosaurs Make Bad Pets.) A Pet Dinosaur Will Keep Your Home Safe... Theres nothing like a Beware the T. Rex sign out in your front yard to deter potential thieves, especially if they can glimpse your ravenous pet frosting up your bay window with its breath. Even better, you can simply underfeed your Deinonychus and tie him to a stake by your mailbox. Not only will this scare away miscreants, but youll never receive another bill again. ...and Youll Never Have to Deal with Pesky Salesmen If you live out in the burbs, youve probably seen your share of Electrolux huckstersyou know, those snappy-suited guys who barge into your home, spill a pile of dirt on your Persian carpet, and plug in their favorite appliance. You know how dogs go nuts when they see a vacuum cleaner? Well, imagine how your short-tempered Spinosaurus is likely to react. Purebred Dinosaurs Are Worth a Lot of Money True, youll have to shell out a pretty penny to buy a registered, credentialed Stegosaurus from your local dinosaur breeder. But if you manage to breed Butch with an equally impeccable female, every egg in the resulting clutch will potentially be worth thousands of dollars (assuming, of course, that your windfall isnt gobbled up by the hungry Oviraptor next door). A Pet Dinosaur Will Keep You Warm at Night Whats better than a pillow stuffed with feathers? Why, a dinosaur covered with feathers, the thicker and fluffier, the better. The trouble is, most feathered dinosaurs tend to be petite in size, so youll have to accumulate anywhere from eight to 10 Khaans to keep extra-cozy. Just pretend that youre a crazy cat lady, and keep plenty of litter nearby. Youll Earn Back Your Investment with Movie and TV Spots Hollywood casting agents are always on the lookout for the next Barney or Dino. If your pet dinosaur is cute, even-tempered and only slightly smarter than a lamppost, dont be surprised if you land a multi-episode sitcom deal. Just be sure to stay away from vehicles involving Tom Green, Pauly Shore or any ex-cast-members from Seinfeld. You Can Train Your Pet Dinosaur to Perform Various Tasks Okay, lets be realistic: theres no way youre going to teach your pet Apatosaurus to answer the phone or do your laundry. However, with intensive effort, you may be able to train your dinosaur to impersonate a piece of furniture, a la The Flintstones. (Were not talking complicated furniture, like a reclining chair; think more along the lines of a giant beanbag.) Youll Have Tons and Tons of Fertilizer Some time around late middle age, most people are inclined to take up gardeningeither in their backyards, on their windowsills or in high-tech hydroponic nurseries. Well, just imagine the beets, cucumbers, and tomatoes you can grow once you fertilize your garden with fresh Triceratops droppings. Youll have so much poop, you can even sell it to (or throw it at) the neighbors! A Pet Dinosaur Will Make You Look More Manly... Are you a gentle, tweed-wearing ectomorph who frequents smoke-free coffee houses and only drinks fair-trade coffee? Well, when youre out on the town with your pet Allosaurus, women will look at you like youre the reincarnation of Patrick Swayze. (In order to maintain this illusion, though, you should try not to let your pet dinosaur eat you or drag you along on its leash.) ...While a Smaller Breed Will Accent Your Feminine Wiles Even the frumpiest Kardashian turns positively glamorous when shes toting a poodle in her backpackso just imagine the pose youll strike with a Compsognathus stuffed in your Dooney Bourke handbag, or an Archaeopteryx perched on your shoulder. Just try to avoid wee ectomorphic PhDs being dragged by their leashed Allosauruses, lest the feathers fly. You Can Keep Your Pet Dinosaur Safely Outside One hundred million years of evolution have made dinosaurs remarkably self-sufficient, to the extent that you can keep your pet Iguanodon in the backyard almost indefinitely, provided you feed it every now and then. Dont have a backyard? Just knock on your neighbors door and introduce him to your pet Utahraptor; nature will take care of the rest.